Humbly Hospitable

This is dedicated to all the families and friends who opened their homes and hearts to me during these last eight and half months. They will all likely tell me I didn't need to write this, but it must be shared.

India is the land of hospitality. Whether one has money to put milk on the table or not, you will be offered tea. Whether a car is available or not, you will be offered a ride. Whether they were planning on eating that one dish you love that night or not, they will make it for you (in large quantities). This entry is far overdue and has been constantly in my mind since I arrived here in August.

For those of you who don’t know, prior to my coming here for this chapter of my life I had only come 4-5 times before. And, those times were only for a maximum of three weeks. I’d traveled to most other continents in the world, but hadn’t ventured to discover the land of my ancestors. I always had a hard time defining my level of culture and my coming to India was a solution of sorts.

I’ve learned many things for this place. I won’t try and summarize what I’ve learned because I think it would be a bit premature and hopeless. However, hospitality and selflessness are two things I can wholeheartedly say I’ve experienced and hope to keep with me. I can’t begin to express the amount of love I’ve experienced while in India. So many people have opened their homes and treated me as their own child.

My time in Ahmedabad is, of course, crazy near and dear to my heart. As you may have heard, we lost my mother’s mom and nephew within a span of two weeks late fall. It was a tragic time and the loss is still being felt today. Both losses came only a few weeks after I had moved to my masi (mom’s sisters) home. And while we were all grieving, I grew incredibly close to my family there. I had tears in my eyes as I type this now.

The hospitality I felt living there was incredible. I was immediately taken in as a sister and daughter. My masi would take me shopping as if I were her own and help me pair kurtis and salvaars. She’d help me match my dupatta and make my favorite dishes at home (kitchidi and baath ni mutiya, for anyone asking ;)). My masa would give me the love and motivation my own father would give me in the States. He’d ask me questions about my day and help me understand some of the Indian nuances I was facing. Priyanshi, my cousin sister, would make me laugh and introduce me to her friends. I could ask her anything and everything and she’d help me find an answer. She is my younger sister now and I’m going to miss hanging out with her terribly.

Priyanshi (cousin-sister), Priti-masi (mom's younger sister), Saurin-masa (masi's husband), and me 

Priyanshi and I

Mother daughter bonding

My masi and masa were dying to meet some of the girls I volunteered with so they hosted pani puri night at home- (from left to right: Jinal, Tapasya, me, Stuti, Madhavi). Tapasya, Stuti, Madhavi and I traveled to Rajasthan a few weeks after this picture was taken.

My mom’s elder sister and husband in Varodara, as well as their daughter in Bangalore, also opened their homes and hearts to me. My masa (mom’s sister’s husband) became my personal encyclopedia. I would ask him everything under the sun and he would respond with an answer, or call a friend and ask. I learned so much about life from him. He taught me about my ancestral religion- Jainism- and taught me about how to live a happy life (apparently the key is selflessness and honesty). He inspired me to read more and to keep being curious.

Mota-masi (mom's elder sister) and Nilesh-masa  (mota-masi's husband- the man who knows something about everything)

Gandhi family trip to Palitana (a Jain pilgrimage sight)

Celebrating Priyanshi's birthday in Bangalore (Gandhi sister reunion)- from left to right: me, Evan, Niyati-didi, Kriday, Rachana-didi, Priyanshi

A funny picture from our Gandhi sister reunion in Bangalore :)

Anand is where my father is from and where I spent Uttrayan- Kite Festival (so many festivals in India I still haven’t blogged about). My family there held a three-day extravaganza for the holiday. There were other family members from abroad visiting at the same time. My bhabi (cousin brother’s wife) and I had a conversation one night about how creatively they had planned the weekend. There were games, prizes and talents shows. I am a bit intrigued to see if we can bring that sort of fun to the Doshi’s in the west (yes…I’m thinking Mother’s Day weekend guys).

Some of my cousins in Anand (and guest appearances by some others), from left to right: Priyanshi,  me, Nidhi, Nishu, Prapti, Devangi, Purna, Hemabhabi

Visiting Mumbai turned to be a consistent event. Every couple months I’d find myself in Mumbai and overwhelmed with a number of places to stay. Family friends would open their doors to me and offer their help regarding my travel plans. My time would always be a little flustered because I’d want to meet so many people and not leave without saying hello. I’m still in shock as to how amazing it has been getting to know some of our family friends on a more casual level. There is something special about being able to plop down on a couch and just have a random conversation about life. The spontaneity of it strikes an appeal to me.

Hiloni-bhabi, me and Shilpa-kaki

My dad's cousin Kuldip-kaka, Shilpakaki, and I one of my last nights in India

Hanging out at home in Ghatkopar with my cousins Purna and Prapti

Even while traveling around India (in Rajasthan and Kerala) I received messages to confirm my safety and happiness. I am floored at this love and would like to sincerely thank all the hosts I’ve had while here, this trip would never have been what it was without your generous hospitality.

I hope to have the opportunity to be as good of a host as people here have been for me.

Awesome Aura

Okay…so aura might not be a word that we use a ton in the west, but what I mean is the energy you emit. I bring this topic up because I experienced amazing energy during my yoga teacher training and it made a huge different. The energy filled the ashram and was that extra ‘umph’ when I was getting tired during asanas or when the weather was just getting too humid.

Maybe that energy was there because we were all doing something we had dreamed of doing. Or maybe we were feeding off of each other’s positivity. I’m not sure, but the energy was encouraging and strong- and I wanted to do more, better, more often.

I wonder what would happen if that energy was always with us? What if we wrapped ourselves in the most amazing aura of positivity and compassion and shared that with each other? What if we supported each other instead of competing with each other?

Maybe it’s a stretch and too much of a challenge, but next time you want to complain or share a negative thought, think of the ripples of toxic energy you’re about to spread and reevaluate if it’s worth it. Will you still be thinking that negative thought in five minutes? If not, maybe it isn’t worth spreading.

Positivity breeds positivity and smiles multiply so…smile, see a smile and pay it forward.

Things I Miss...

During the NRI (non-resident Indian) season there are lots of families from abroad that come to India and visit family and friends, as well as travel. It’s evident from all the stores (specifically jewelry and clothing) posting large “NRI SALES!!” signs. In any case, I digress.

The point of my post is to shed light on the things I miss, apart from people. I am blessed to have people traveling from the states and asking me what I want from there because I may miss it here. Luckily though, I've adjusted well to the products available here: beauty, hygiene, clothes, etc. In reality the things I miss have more to do with lifestyle.

I miss independence the most. The single woman traveling creates a lot of angst for family members and moving around is cushioned by messages ensuring my safety and comfort. I knew in my heart it comes from love, but I struggled with this when I went to Delhi. I understood the worry since the terrible Delhi rape incident had happened only a few days prior, but in all honesty, I missed the freedom to roam about and discover things for myself. I am slowly understanding the different way of life for a girl versus boy in India, but it still seems foreign and I find it hard to not question.

I miss clarity. The ever-present “Indian standard time” (a term used to describe the regular tardiness of Indians) is on steroids here. This has been crazy hard for me to deal with professionally, as well as personally. I have always been fond of planning and having a schedule (sometimes even in the form of Excel spreadsheets) and the ability to create a schedule in India and stick to it is dreadful. Even for classroom settings it is hard- festivals and celebrations constantly trample through plans and dance around them until they’re fully disheveled.

I miss luxuries. I’ve gotten quite used to bucket baths, but I miss standing showers and dry spaces to change into clothes. Indian bathrooms are all one level- for the most part. The shower head is generally not working (hard water creates calcium blockages) so you shower from two buckets, a bucket of water and a small bucket to pour on yourself. In either case, I enjoy the reduction of water consumption, but I still get soap in my eyes when I wash my hair.

So those are some of the things I miss. I’ve acclimated to life in India fairly well, but there are definitely things I’m looking forward to when I come back to the states.

PS - I also miss Mexican food, Thai food, In-n-out, a sturdy internet connection and driving my car with the windows down.

Summing Up Seva

I closed the Seva chapter of my trip a week ago. It was similar to when I quit work- lots of emotions and feeling a little threadbare after having left everyone. My relationship with India has formed through the lens of service, and my time was spent with Indians who live without the luxury of things I took for granted. I am excited to see family but to some degree I feel like it’s a persona changing experience. The luxuries we claim, as NRIs, are so harshly different from the lives of the people I have interacted with for the past 5 months. I’m not ashamed of the experiences I've been privileged to have in my 25 years of life, rather, I’m struggling with how to let my heart feel comfortable having see the other side of things. Some may say ignorance would have been bliss.

On a positive note (I do still dub myself a realistic optimist), I have loved the experiences of the last five months. I have met so many amazing children and inspiring people. My time has really planted a seed in my heart to return in some capacity and be part of India again.

A few of my most special experiences were eating pani puri roadside with some of the kids and talking to one of the girls about resolving a quarrel with her friends. The friendships built through the Dosti Project have been so incredibly amazing to see and hearing the children scream “Ami-didi” when they saw me are memories that will remain close to my heart. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have spent these five months here. It sounds so cliché but I am pretty sure I gained more from this experience than I was able to give.

All and all one of my biggest lessons learned has been the importance of clarity of heart. My heart and mind were focused on service when I left the states in August. Unfortunately, my first go wasn't as smooth as I would've hoped. The fallout left me in a week-long haze of confusion, but then I found a new organization and miraculously was able to focus back on my original intent. Opportunities presented themselves organically and I was able to persevere through daily obstacles because I had clarity of heart.

Another Dose of Dosti

Tuesday January 8th was our third round of the Dosti program. As a review, 32 children were paired together: one coming from a very humble backgound and living in a hostel in Gandhi Ashram and one from a much more affluent background going to a private school in Ahemdabad. The days together have been quite positive and children have gone from barely talking to giggling together.

While planning the last day with the children living in the ashram shala in Gandhi Ashram, the children suggested a wide array of activities. With the 5 hours they would spend together, the children wanted to play sports, make cards, dance, sing, and water trees. Yes, that's right- one of their ideas to spend their fun time together was water the trees in the ashram. It was very beautiful to hear their idea to do seva. Needless to say, we included that in the program.

Other activities for the day included football (soccer), badminton, rangoli (an artistic creation made from colored powder), a three-legged race, and an introduction to the importance of service. The heartwarming end to the day was hearing some of the girls ask me for a pen so they could write their buddy's phone number in their notebook.

Strength of the Human Spirit

Grieving with a shocking death in the family, the last few days have been quiet and somber. Indian traditions for post-death ceremonies vary vastly depending upon religion, region, and caste. Basically we held a two hour ‘besna’ (bes means sit) for everyone that knew Akash (younger cousin, 20 years old) to come spend time together and pay respects to the family. During the ceremony, there was traditional music performed as well as prayers lead. Other than that, we have been staying in the home and spending time with family/friends who visit.

Akash was a very lively guy who was passionate about cars, food, and music. This was my first time building a relationship with him and after a few weeks I had begun to treat him as a little brother. He was constantly out with friends after dinner and created many schemes to get out of classwork- reminded me of my high school days. I was consistently amused and secretly a fan of the hip-hop he’d have playing in the car and will always remember his carefree attitude and loving personality.

This morning was the first time we ventured out of the house. We chose to drive to a lake (Thol Lake) about 40 km away from the city. The lake is also a bird sanctuary and we came to watch the sunrise. Waking up before dawn was difficult, but the views were peaceful and getting out of the house was a good break. There is no quick solution to a tragedy like this but starting to understand the strength of the human spirit and spending time writing, reading, and connecting with family. 

Miracle of a Minute

After finishing chopping veggies for lunch, I was sitting and responding to emails while the aunties completed the actual cooking (volunteers help with prep, but we are rarely allowed to actually cook- most likely because we are too slow lol). Anyways, I was sitting in the large room before the kitchen. One side of the room opens to a computer lab, with floor-to-ceiling clear plastic walls, another door opens to the store of traditional clothing created by women in the community (another blog entry in itself).

Then, through the front door, a man in a bright orange pagri (similar to a turban) walks into the room holding a musical instrument I’ve never seen before. I was quickly told it was called a ‘ravanahatha’ and that it was a traditional instrument from Rajasthan with a sound similar to a violin. 

Within a minute of the man walking into the room a staff member grabbed a dhol and a jam session of sorts began. Various other instruments were introduced and before we knew it there was an amazing energy in the room and an ordinary minute was transformed into something unforgettable.

I’ve included a video and picture below. The video is of the last song he shared with us- during the song before a volunteer graciously placed a plate for appreciative notes. I want to point that out since he selflessly shared music without every mentioning the desire of payment. Maybe this is another example of gift-economy?

It’s hard to capture this experience in words, but it was amazing and random and SO India.

Dosti

Preface: Dosti means friendship in Hindi.

The disparity in quality regarding Indian education is drastic. Municipal schools (only free until 8^th standard) are over-capacity and under-served. There have been moves recently to improve the situation (Right to Education Act), but sheer volume makes this a difficult situation. On the other hand, private schools (which are attended by all that can afford it) are generally creative environments with a range of skills taught, including sports, drama, art, music, etc.

India, as a country, is a vast and diverse community. However, it is left divided due the social pressures related to wealth. For example, it is quite likely that a child attending private-school is not aware of the hardships another child his age perseveres through on a daily basis; hardships like malnutrition, inadequate education, and unhygienic housing. Likewise, less-fortunate children are unlikely to understand that importance of discipline and education as a foundation for their lives.

Tuesday, November 6^th, was the first session of a program called Dosti. I spoke about this program in an earlier post- the idea is to create relationships between groups of children that would normally not interact. The event was facilitated through buddy groups between one student attending municipal school and one attending a local private-school. The pairs completed various activities to help them get-to-know each other.  They created nametags and a group painting, as well as completed a trust obstacle course and learned about Gandhiji together.

We debriefed with both groups of children afterwards and asked them what they learned through the day. The children attending private schools said they felt the other students were nicer to each other (specially, “treat each other as family”) and didn’t have cliques like they had in their school. The municipal school children mentioned the high level of discipline and respect the other students have and how well-spoken they are.

All in all, the day was a success in that the seed of friendship was planted. I am excited to plan another installment and to assist in the creation of new friendships built on the foundation of understanding and love.

Please enjoy the collage I created below of the days events.

New Beginnings

After a few days of collecting my thoughts, searching for opportunities, and spending time with family, I am beginning a new chapter tomorrow. I will be engaging with a non profit organization based in Mahatma Gandhi's ashram here in Ahmedabad focused on serving the underprivileged. I've currently committed a month to the organization, but am aiming to extend that date. Well, that's the current plan anyways. I've always lived with a plan and I think this is one of the first times that I'm exploring without an end-date.

I hope all is well where you are and am excited to be more communicative going forward. Cheers to new beginnings. 

Observations of India (so far...)

For those of you who are from India or who have visited India, this may trigger some memories... But for those of you who have not visited this country yet, here are some observations that may entertain you.

Mobile GPS
I don't mean an app on your smart phone, or an in-car system- I mean every rickshaw (three-wheeled doorless taxi) driver you can flag down. After being here about a week, I've grown accustomed to being in a car and having the driver (in each scenario, a resident of the state) pull over and ask a random rickshaw driver for directions. There is no shame in this and no one minds- it is entirely acceptable and assumed. The drivers welcome the question and many times, his passengers (if any) will try and help. An overall theme of community help has become more than obvious.

Traffic As Usual
Imagine any major intersection in the US around rush-hour, then add a few more types of vehicles (rickshaws, trucks, carts, motorcycles, bicycles) and a few stray animals (dogs, cows, donkeys). Now take away the traffic lights, and any sense of discretion associated with them. Congratulations, you just imagined an intersection in Ahmedabad. It is madness- plain and simple. A honk is not cautionary as much as it is just to ensure everyone knows you're present. Given all this madness, I still haven't seen any accidents. Somehow, there is comfort in the madness and everyone is attuned to it's presence.

Sari Shops
I went to buy a few simple kurta tops for the program (see example here) and was reminded of the joy and humor of sari shopping in India. Generally sari's are sold by men and the whole scenario turns into a show. The shop is floored with mattresses covered in white bedsheets and walled ceiling to floor with shelves of sari fabric folded and sealed in a clear plastic slip. Shoppers (and their family or friends who have come to help them) sit on the floor, cross-legged, and the owner or workers (either way- a man) show different fabrics. The humor comes through the salesmen's tactic to sell the fabric- he drapes it upon himself as it would look on you. To add the humor, as soon as you say you don't like it or want something just a little different, he throws the fabric at a coworker who folds the fabric immediately to be restocked. This process repeats itself more than 5 times within the first 5 minutes you're there. It's all done in good fun and an entirely normal process. In either case, I highly recommended sari-shopping as a to-do for anyone coming to visit India for the first time- quite a fun, lively experience.

Bollywood Music Videos

Mom and I went to dinner with family in Anand (the town my father's family is from- also in Gujarat and about 65 km southeast from Ahmedabad) and just as you may have seen in Indian restaurants in the states, the TV's showed music videos from popular Bollywood films. This may be a little naive but, I'm still shocked whenever I see the costumes worn on the music videos. It's crazy to see the women dancing around in skimpy outfits, similar to hip-hop videos, and the focus of the video being on the movement of their bodies. Obviously, sex sells, but it's just such a stark difference to the conservative apparel and interactions seen everywhere else in the country.

A longer than usual entry, but some fun/interesting observations I've seen thus far.

Train from Bombay to Ahmedabad

Last night we traveled from Bombay to Ahmedabad. The journey was around 6 hours in duration and could have been traveled via plane. The train ride began at 11:25PM and we reached Ahmedabad at 5:30AM. Mom and I were in a sleeper compartment and both slept on top bunks- baggage was stored beneath the beds of the guests beneath us.

Since we had four bags between the two of us, we hired a man to help us bring them onto the train. Just for reference, we paid a man 100 rupees (Rs) [~$2] in Bombay to use a dolly and transport our baggage to the train compartment, as well as load it near our beds. Then, upon arrival in Ahmedabad, we paid two men a total of 120 Rs [~$2.40] to carry them from the train to the car. This time, however, they had no dolly...so, one man carried two 50 lb bags atop his head and the the other man rolled one and carried another. It was somewhat crazy to see, seeing as though I was barely able to carry one bag by myself. Things like this are normal to see at a train station though. I guess I've seen this in Africa too- however, it is always crazy to fathom.

In Ahmedabad for the day with my mom's younger sister (mom's sister is called "masi" in Gujarati), her family and staying with them are my other masi (mom's older sister) and my maternal grandmother (maternal grandmother is called "nani" in Gujarati). Spending the day relaxing and figuring out internet and cell-phone options.

Here are some pictures from the train:

 In front of our compartment- a very colorful train

Getting my bed ready for the ride. The cost of a bed in the AC sleeper train was about 600-700 Rs ($12-$14). Within this compartment they provide two flat sheets, a blanket and a pillow complimentary with the ride.  

Arrived

After three flights, we arrived in Bombay late last night (10:30PM). Mom and I are spending the day here and then traveling to Ahmedabad via train tonight. Weather is not too bad and my spirits are up. Excited to get to orientation and begin the journey in just less than a week. For the time being, I will enjoy the time with family and family friends.

Notes from the flights:

1. I am very dependent on either a TV during the flight, or some form of sedative to help me fall asleep and pass the time. I'm thankful both of these are now normal commodities.
2. English is everywhere. I celebrate travelers who do not speak English nor the native tongue of the nation in which they're traveling within- seems like it would be difficult.  
3. Cold weather socks are key during long flights. I purchased mine at REI a few years back and am thankful each time I'm in a plane for more than three hours. 
4. Carrying my own water bottle is imperative to actually drinking a good amount of water during flight. The flight attendants were totally fine refilling it for me.