Yoga, Meditation, and Transformation

I arrived in Trivandrum in the afternoon on Saturday March 16^th with a knotted stomach and cold feet. It was POURING rain outside and I was about to enter a month of yoga at an ashram. So many questions ran through my head as I commuted 2 hours from the airport to the ashram in the pouring rain: “Maybe I should have stayed one night in an ashram before agreeing to stay one month at one. Maybe I should have practiced hatha yoga before coming. Will they really make me check in my cell phones upon arrival?”

Upon arrival I was given a nice warm cup of tea from two friendly boys a bit younger than me- one from India and one from France maybe. I remember thinking of how sweet it was that their first question was would I like tea or not. I agreed and sat at a table to fill out my registration forms. So many people filled in that modest sized reception. Within 15 minutes I had my luggage in hand was being shown to the dorms where I had registered to stay. “Are there western toliets? Hope there aren’t many bugs… Oh no! What if the shower stalls are dirty?” I was pleasantly surprised- the area was clean and bustling already. The first floor seemed crowded and there were no outlets so I ventured up. I was the first one up on the second floor and enjoyed the quiet there. Set up shop- sheets on the thin mattress, mosquito net above bed, shower supplies and three different mosquito repellants on the shelves behind head. My home for the next month.

My cubby-mate, Malavika, and I.

The setting of the ashram was gorgeous. An excerpt from journal when I captured my mental image that afternoon:

Green all around. A Krishna Radha statue in front of me. To its left a jackfruit tree. To my left, the boutique. Whispers in at least five different languages flutter by as already-friends walk past. A huge statue of a deity on a lotus flower in the background. Wonder who the statue is of- hoping we learn that here. A wide range of people here- Indians and foreign, modest and not so modest. The smell of damp Earth fills the air, water still trickling off the luscious surroundings.

The beautiful flower of a Cannonball tree in the ashram.  

Krishna statue in front of the dormitory.

One of the statues I saw when I first entered the ashram. (Learned later it is the goddess Lakshmi)

The next month went by faster than any month before has. We studied Vedantic philosophy and its relationship with yoga. We learned a bit about anatomy and physiology, as well as the importance of diet. There was also a study of the Bhagavad Gita (a bucket list read of mine). The importance of karma yoga (selfless service) was taught through experience and each student was given a daily chore. Some students would serve food or clean the dorms, I was asked to help in reception- a warm welcome back to Microsoft Excel in a surprising setting.

There were two asana (posture) classes a day and after two weeks we were broken into smaller groups and asked to teach each other during the afternoon class. The change from Bikram yoga to Hatha yoga was tough for me. I missed the indoor heated climate and the sweat I experienced in Bikram. After a week, though, I was getting the hang of new postures and starting to conquer fears about sirsasana (headstand) and kakasana (crow pose).

The daily grind: personal journal, course book, meditation cushion, water bottle, and yoga mat.

A personal variation to sirsasana (headstand). I call it "inverted namaste".

Finally got the hang of kakasana (crow pose).

Yoga by the lake in Neyyar Dam

Yoga in the hall- a twice a day experience

I also tried to learn to meditate during the morning and evening satsangs (community gatherings) but it was been an uphill battle. For the past 4-5 years I’d wanted to learn to meditate (another bucket list item) and practice it regularly, but it’s so difficult for me. I will continue to try but no success to share thus far.

All in all, it was a packed month. We had a day off each week that a few of us would escape the ashram and head to Kovalam to lay on the beach and enjoy food we didn’t get at the ashram (chocolate, eggs, coffee- not in the that order). The month ended on Saturday night when I received my certificate and graduated the Sivananda course. I’m still in disbelief that the month is over and I have a certificate in my hand. Excited for more yoga study to come and keeping up my practice! Moving on to travels now…

Summing Up Seva

I closed the Seva chapter of my trip a week ago. It was similar to when I quit work- lots of emotions and feeling a little threadbare after having left everyone. My relationship with India has formed through the lens of service, and my time was spent with Indians who live without the luxury of things I took for granted. I am excited to see family but to some degree I feel like it’s a persona changing experience. The luxuries we claim, as NRIs, are so harshly different from the lives of the people I have interacted with for the past 5 months. I’m not ashamed of the experiences I've been privileged to have in my 25 years of life, rather, I’m struggling with how to let my heart feel comfortable having see the other side of things. Some may say ignorance would have been bliss.

On a positive note (I do still dub myself a realistic optimist), I have loved the experiences of the last five months. I have met so many amazing children and inspiring people. My time has really planted a seed in my heart to return in some capacity and be part of India again.

A few of my most special experiences were eating pani puri roadside with some of the kids and talking to one of the girls about resolving a quarrel with her friends. The friendships built through the Dosti Project have been so incredibly amazing to see and hearing the children scream “Ami-didi” when they saw me are memories that will remain close to my heart. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have spent these five months here. It sounds so cliché but I am pretty sure I gained more from this experience than I was able to give.

All and all one of my biggest lessons learned has been the importance of clarity of heart. My heart and mind were focused on service when I left the states in August. Unfortunately, my first go wasn't as smooth as I would've hoped. The fallout left me in a week-long haze of confusion, but then I found a new organization and miraculously was able to focus back on my original intent. Opportunities presented themselves organically and I was able to persevere through daily obstacles because I had clarity of heart.

Highs & Lows

Time in the slum community is filled with highs and lows. As promised, I'm sharing a recent triumph and challenge. 

Thursday afternoon was my second meeting with the girls of Vinay Mandhir. There were 5 girls who participated in the afternoon activity which ended up becoming a conversation on what they wanted me to teach. We discussed a range of choices from health and hygiene to life skills- they ended up confessing that while they can read English, they have a hard time with the comprehension and translating it back to Gujarati. So, we decided I would bring an English book and help them understand what it means in Gujarati (this will be a good challenge for me too!). Anyways, I left feeling very encouraged and walked through the slum community to the community farm to help plant some seeds. 

My walk from the hostel to the community center is about 15 minutes and I walk passed the same families each time I go. This afternoon, one of the women along the path asked me to sit down with her. Initially, I told her I had to go somewhere to do some work. She replied by reminding me that I will always have something to do and that I should just take a moment to sit down. I agreed and sat with her. She reminded me she had met me a week back at a different event. We spoke about her family and daily life for a few minutes. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a smack and a cry of pain. I looked behind me to my left and there was a girl about 15 years old sitting outside her home. Her face was buried in her hands and she was crying. Her mom then came out and hit her again- the crying continued and the auntie I was sitting with told the other auntie to stop. I tried to ask why she was hitting her daughter and she replied it was because she wasn't cleaning the home. I froze in a mix of shock, fury, and shyness. I didn't know what to do and ended up leaving the situation soon after. Leaving felt shameful, but the situation was beyond me and I felt unprepared to confront the violence. 

That span of forty minutes had such a wide range of emotions, I was left at an odd neutral point. 

I feel fortunate for being able to spend whatever time I can in the community and share as many smiles as I have, but I was quickly reminded of how harsh of a reality the community lives and how many hardships there are.