Humbly Hospitable

This is dedicated to all the families and friends who opened their homes and hearts to me during these last eight and half months. They will all likely tell me I didn't need to write this, but it must be shared.

India is the land of hospitality. Whether one has money to put milk on the table or not, you will be offered tea. Whether a car is available or not, you will be offered a ride. Whether they were planning on eating that one dish you love that night or not, they will make it for you (in large quantities). This entry is far overdue and has been constantly in my mind since I arrived here in August.

For those of you who don’t know, prior to my coming here for this chapter of my life I had only come 4-5 times before. And, those times were only for a maximum of three weeks. I’d traveled to most other continents in the world, but hadn’t ventured to discover the land of my ancestors. I always had a hard time defining my level of culture and my coming to India was a solution of sorts.

I’ve learned many things for this place. I won’t try and summarize what I’ve learned because I think it would be a bit premature and hopeless. However, hospitality and selflessness are two things I can wholeheartedly say I’ve experienced and hope to keep with me. I can’t begin to express the amount of love I’ve experienced while in India. So many people have opened their homes and treated me as their own child.

My time in Ahmedabad is, of course, crazy near and dear to my heart. As you may have heard, we lost my mother’s mom and nephew within a span of two weeks late fall. It was a tragic time and the loss is still being felt today. Both losses came only a few weeks after I had moved to my masi (mom’s sisters) home. And while we were all grieving, I grew incredibly close to my family there. I had tears in my eyes as I type this now.

The hospitality I felt living there was incredible. I was immediately taken in as a sister and daughter. My masi would take me shopping as if I were her own and help me pair kurtis and salvaars. She’d help me match my dupatta and make my favorite dishes at home (kitchidi and baath ni mutiya, for anyone asking ;)). My masa would give me the love and motivation my own father would give me in the States. He’d ask me questions about my day and help me understand some of the Indian nuances I was facing. Priyanshi, my cousin sister, would make me laugh and introduce me to her friends. I could ask her anything and everything and she’d help me find an answer. She is my younger sister now and I’m going to miss hanging out with her terribly.

Priyanshi (cousin-sister), Priti-masi (mom's younger sister), Saurin-masa (masi's husband), and me 

Priyanshi and I

Mother daughter bonding

My masi and masa were dying to meet some of the girls I volunteered with so they hosted pani puri night at home- (from left to right: Jinal, Tapasya, me, Stuti, Madhavi). Tapasya, Stuti, Madhavi and I traveled to Rajasthan a few weeks after this picture was taken.

My mom’s elder sister and husband in Varodara, as well as their daughter in Bangalore, also opened their homes and hearts to me. My masa (mom’s sister’s husband) became my personal encyclopedia. I would ask him everything under the sun and he would respond with an answer, or call a friend and ask. I learned so much about life from him. He taught me about my ancestral religion- Jainism- and taught me about how to live a happy life (apparently the key is selflessness and honesty). He inspired me to read more and to keep being curious.

Mota-masi (mom's elder sister) and Nilesh-masa  (mota-masi's husband- the man who knows something about everything)

Gandhi family trip to Palitana (a Jain pilgrimage sight)

Celebrating Priyanshi's birthday in Bangalore (Gandhi sister reunion)- from left to right: me, Evan, Niyati-didi, Kriday, Rachana-didi, Priyanshi

A funny picture from our Gandhi sister reunion in Bangalore :)

Anand is where my father is from and where I spent Uttrayan- Kite Festival (so many festivals in India I still haven’t blogged about). My family there held a three-day extravaganza for the holiday. There were other family members from abroad visiting at the same time. My bhabi (cousin brother’s wife) and I had a conversation one night about how creatively they had planned the weekend. There were games, prizes and talents shows. I am a bit intrigued to see if we can bring that sort of fun to the Doshi’s in the west (yes…I’m thinking Mother’s Day weekend guys).

Some of my cousins in Anand (and guest appearances by some others), from left to right: Priyanshi,  me, Nidhi, Nishu, Prapti, Devangi, Purna, Hemabhabi

Visiting Mumbai turned to be a consistent event. Every couple months I’d find myself in Mumbai and overwhelmed with a number of places to stay. Family friends would open their doors to me and offer their help regarding my travel plans. My time would always be a little flustered because I’d want to meet so many people and not leave without saying hello. I’m still in shock as to how amazing it has been getting to know some of our family friends on a more casual level. There is something special about being able to plop down on a couch and just have a random conversation about life. The spontaneity of it strikes an appeal to me.

Hiloni-bhabi, me and Shilpa-kaki

My dad's cousin Kuldip-kaka, Shilpakaki, and I one of my last nights in India

Hanging out at home in Ghatkopar with my cousins Purna and Prapti

Even while traveling around India (in Rajasthan and Kerala) I received messages to confirm my safety and happiness. I am floored at this love and would like to sincerely thank all the hosts I’ve had while here, this trip would never have been what it was without your generous hospitality.

I hope to have the opportunity to be as good of a host as people here have been for me.

Amma’s Ashram in Amritapuri

We took a local bus from Kanyakumari to Kollam and then caught the ferry through the backwaters to Amritapuri to visit Amma’s Ashram.

Where we arrived we were impressed by the warmth of people around us- asking if we need help with baggage, if we had eaten lunch yet, and advising us about the hours of reception. After we checked in, we went to our immaculately clean room and realized we were in a palm tree forest. I’ve never seen so many palm trees in my life. Pictures don’t do the scene justice.

Setting up our beds in the immaculately clean room

Arabian Sea to the right and backwaters to the left, a million palm trees in between

Amma, known by many as “the mother to all”, is considered by many to be a human god. I’m not sure where I stand on that statement, but that’s not so important. Her ashram is home to many people from all walks of life: Indians and foreigners, old and young, rich and poor, single and married, full time residents and short term travelers. It was interesting to learn about Amma as she is known for her embrace- a hug. She travels all over the world and millions flock to her in hopes of receiving a hug from her. Her hugs are said to be the most comforting and remove sorrow from those in her embrace.

She wasn’t there when we visited so no Amma-hugs for us. We did, however, take part in their bhajans (devotional singing) and seva (service) opportunities. There was also a yoga class in the morning we went to and sunset meditation on the Arabian Sea coast.

It was an eye-opening experience and I’m appreciative to all the people we talked to there who taught us about Amma and their admiration for her. 

Awesome Aura

Okay…so aura might not be a word that we use a ton in the west, but what I mean is the energy you emit. I bring this topic up because I experienced amazing energy during my yoga teacher training and it made a huge different. The energy filled the ashram and was that extra ‘umph’ when I was getting tired during asanas or when the weather was just getting too humid.

Maybe that energy was there because we were all doing something we had dreamed of doing. Or maybe we were feeding off of each other’s positivity. I’m not sure, but the energy was encouraging and strong- and I wanted to do more, better, more often.

I wonder what would happen if that energy was always with us? What if we wrapped ourselves in the most amazing aura of positivity and compassion and shared that with each other? What if we supported each other instead of competing with each other?

Maybe it’s a stretch and too much of a challenge, but next time you want to complain or share a negative thought, think of the ripples of toxic energy you’re about to spread and reevaluate if it’s worth it. Will you still be thinking that negative thought in five minutes? If not, maybe it isn’t worth spreading.

Positivity breeds positivity and smiles multiply so…smile, see a smile and pay it forward.

Yoga, Meditation, and Transformation

I arrived in Trivandrum in the afternoon on Saturday March 16^th with a knotted stomach and cold feet. It was POURING rain outside and I was about to enter a month of yoga at an ashram. So many questions ran through my head as I commuted 2 hours from the airport to the ashram in the pouring rain: “Maybe I should have stayed one night in an ashram before agreeing to stay one month at one. Maybe I should have practiced hatha yoga before coming. Will they really make me check in my cell phones upon arrival?”

Upon arrival I was given a nice warm cup of tea from two friendly boys a bit younger than me- one from India and one from France maybe. I remember thinking of how sweet it was that their first question was would I like tea or not. I agreed and sat at a table to fill out my registration forms. So many people filled in that modest sized reception. Within 15 minutes I had my luggage in hand was being shown to the dorms where I had registered to stay. “Are there western toliets? Hope there aren’t many bugs… Oh no! What if the shower stalls are dirty?” I was pleasantly surprised- the area was clean and bustling already. The first floor seemed crowded and there were no outlets so I ventured up. I was the first one up on the second floor and enjoyed the quiet there. Set up shop- sheets on the thin mattress, mosquito net above bed, shower supplies and three different mosquito repellants on the shelves behind head. My home for the next month.

My cubby-mate, Malavika, and I.

The setting of the ashram was gorgeous. An excerpt from journal when I captured my mental image that afternoon:

Green all around. A Krishna Radha statue in front of me. To its left a jackfruit tree. To my left, the boutique. Whispers in at least five different languages flutter by as already-friends walk past. A huge statue of a deity on a lotus flower in the background. Wonder who the statue is of- hoping we learn that here. A wide range of people here- Indians and foreign, modest and not so modest. The smell of damp Earth fills the air, water still trickling off the luscious surroundings.

The beautiful flower of a Cannonball tree in the ashram.  

Krishna statue in front of the dormitory.

One of the statues I saw when I first entered the ashram. (Learned later it is the goddess Lakshmi)

The next month went by faster than any month before has. We studied Vedantic philosophy and its relationship with yoga. We learned a bit about anatomy and physiology, as well as the importance of diet. There was also a study of the Bhagavad Gita (a bucket list read of mine). The importance of karma yoga (selfless service) was taught through experience and each student was given a daily chore. Some students would serve food or clean the dorms, I was asked to help in reception- a warm welcome back to Microsoft Excel in a surprising setting.

There were two asana (posture) classes a day and after two weeks we were broken into smaller groups and asked to teach each other during the afternoon class. The change from Bikram yoga to Hatha yoga was tough for me. I missed the indoor heated climate and the sweat I experienced in Bikram. After a week, though, I was getting the hang of new postures and starting to conquer fears about sirsasana (headstand) and kakasana (crow pose).

The daily grind: personal journal, course book, meditation cushion, water bottle, and yoga mat.

A personal variation to sirsasana (headstand). I call it "inverted namaste".

Finally got the hang of kakasana (crow pose).

Yoga by the lake in Neyyar Dam

Yoga in the hall- a twice a day experience

I also tried to learn to meditate during the morning and evening satsangs (community gatherings) but it was been an uphill battle. For the past 4-5 years I’d wanted to learn to meditate (another bucket list item) and practice it regularly, but it’s so difficult for me. I will continue to try but no success to share thus far.

All in all, it was a packed month. We had a day off each week that a few of us would escape the ashram and head to Kovalam to lay on the beach and enjoy food we didn’t get at the ashram (chocolate, eggs, coffee- not in the that order). The month ended on Saturday night when I received my certificate and graduated the Sivananda course. I’m still in disbelief that the month is over and I have a certificate in my hand. Excited for more yoga study to come and keeping up my practice! Moving on to travels now…

Summing Up Seva

I closed the Seva chapter of my trip a week ago. It was similar to when I quit work- lots of emotions and feeling a little threadbare after having left everyone. My relationship with India has formed through the lens of service, and my time was spent with Indians who live without the luxury of things I took for granted. I am excited to see family but to some degree I feel like it’s a persona changing experience. The luxuries we claim, as NRIs, are so harshly different from the lives of the people I have interacted with for the past 5 months. I’m not ashamed of the experiences I've been privileged to have in my 25 years of life, rather, I’m struggling with how to let my heart feel comfortable having see the other side of things. Some may say ignorance would have been bliss.

On a positive note (I do still dub myself a realistic optimist), I have loved the experiences of the last five months. I have met so many amazing children and inspiring people. My time has really planted a seed in my heart to return in some capacity and be part of India again.

A few of my most special experiences were eating pani puri roadside with some of the kids and talking to one of the girls about resolving a quarrel with her friends. The friendships built through the Dosti Project have been so incredibly amazing to see and hearing the children scream “Ami-didi” when they saw me are memories that will remain close to my heart. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have spent these five months here. It sounds so cliché but I am pretty sure I gained more from this experience than I was able to give.

All and all one of my biggest lessons learned has been the importance of clarity of heart. My heart and mind were focused on service when I left the states in August. Unfortunately, my first go wasn't as smooth as I would've hoped. The fallout left me in a week-long haze of confusion, but then I found a new organization and miraculously was able to focus back on my original intent. Opportunities presented themselves organically and I was able to persevere through daily obstacles because I had clarity of heart.

Another Dose of Dosti

Tuesday January 8th was our third round of the Dosti program. As a review, 32 children were paired together: one coming from a very humble backgound and living in a hostel in Gandhi Ashram and one from a much more affluent background going to a private school in Ahemdabad. The days together have been quite positive and children have gone from barely talking to giggling together.

While planning the last day with the children living in the ashram shala in Gandhi Ashram, the children suggested a wide array of activities. With the 5 hours they would spend together, the children wanted to play sports, make cards, dance, sing, and water trees. Yes, that's right- one of their ideas to spend their fun time together was water the trees in the ashram. It was very beautiful to hear their idea to do seva. Needless to say, we included that in the program.

Other activities for the day included football (soccer), badminton, rangoli (an artistic creation made from colored powder), a three-legged race, and an introduction to the importance of service. The heartwarming end to the day was hearing some of the girls ask me for a pen so they could write their buddy's phone number in their notebook.

Strength of the Human Spirit

Grieving with a shocking death in the family, the last few days have been quiet and somber. Indian traditions for post-death ceremonies vary vastly depending upon religion, region, and caste. Basically we held a two hour ‘besna’ (bes means sit) for everyone that knew Akash (younger cousin, 20 years old) to come spend time together and pay respects to the family. During the ceremony, there was traditional music performed as well as prayers lead. Other than that, we have been staying in the home and spending time with family/friends who visit.

Akash was a very lively guy who was passionate about cars, food, and music. This was my first time building a relationship with him and after a few weeks I had begun to treat him as a little brother. He was constantly out with friends after dinner and created many schemes to get out of classwork- reminded me of my high school days. I was consistently amused and secretly a fan of the hip-hop he’d have playing in the car and will always remember his carefree attitude and loving personality.

This morning was the first time we ventured out of the house. We chose to drive to a lake (Thol Lake) about 40 km away from the city. The lake is also a bird sanctuary and we came to watch the sunrise. Waking up before dawn was difficult, but the views were peaceful and getting out of the house was a good break. There is no quick solution to a tragedy like this but starting to understand the strength of the human spirit and spending time writing, reading, and connecting with family. 

Dosti

Preface: Dosti means friendship in Hindi.

The disparity in quality regarding Indian education is drastic. Municipal schools (only free until 8^th standard) are over-capacity and under-served. There have been moves recently to improve the situation (Right to Education Act), but sheer volume makes this a difficult situation. On the other hand, private schools (which are attended by all that can afford it) are generally creative environments with a range of skills taught, including sports, drama, art, music, etc.

India, as a country, is a vast and diverse community. However, it is left divided due the social pressures related to wealth. For example, it is quite likely that a child attending private-school is not aware of the hardships another child his age perseveres through on a daily basis; hardships like malnutrition, inadequate education, and unhygienic housing. Likewise, less-fortunate children are unlikely to understand that importance of discipline and education as a foundation for their lives.

Tuesday, November 6^th, was the first session of a program called Dosti. I spoke about this program in an earlier post- the idea is to create relationships between groups of children that would normally not interact. The event was facilitated through buddy groups between one student attending municipal school and one attending a local private-school. The pairs completed various activities to help them get-to-know each other.  They created nametags and a group painting, as well as completed a trust obstacle course and learned about Gandhiji together.

We debriefed with both groups of children afterwards and asked them what they learned through the day. The children attending private schools said they felt the other students were nicer to each other (specially, “treat each other as family”) and didn’t have cliques like they had in their school. The municipal school children mentioned the high level of discipline and respect the other students have and how well-spoken they are.

All in all, the day was a success in that the seed of friendship was planted. I am excited to plan another installment and to assist in the creation of new friendships built on the foundation of understanding and love.

Please enjoy the collage I created below of the days events.

Serving of the Day: Seva

Preface: "Seva" means service in Hindi

If you attended a free restaurant, how would you pay it forward? That is the concept of Seva Cafe an on-going experiment in "gift economy". The central philosophy of Seva Cafe is to give a complimentary dinner to guests and treat them like family. Many smiles are exchanged and most of the people fueling the experiment are volunteers.

Friday evening was my first time engaging with this establishment. I arrived around 6:00PM and began by meeting the other volunteers and few staff members. We set up the space with tables, chairs, decorations (Friday evening was fully occupied by a private birthday party), and dinnerware. The menu was elaborate (lemon mint juice, basket chaat, mutter paneer, mixed veg sabji, parata, rice, and kheer) and specifically chosen by the host a few days prior. The cooking began at 2PM so by the time I arrived, it was just paratas that were being finished. 

The first responsibility a volunteer gets is dishwashing. So, I spent the evening washing dishes and dancing around to the fun music playing. It was a great experience. A few of the guests even came and asked to wash their own dishes. It was a nice gesture and created a dynamic sense of community. I'm excited to spend more evenings at Seva Cafe in the future and am excited to visit the other locations experimenting with gift economy.

Motivational Art

On June 7th, I sent an email, titled "Leap of Faith", to friends and in turn received an amazing number of supportive responses. The responses meant a lot to me and I've created the following image to share and remember those motivational words. 

Motivation

The strength of a support network has never been more important to me. Through the research, application, and acceptance of this program, I have consistently been encouraged by the people around me. Their kind words of belief, strength, and excitement for my new chapter have made me more confident in my decision.

A lesson I hope to remember here is to not set limits for myself. I guess I will prove that over the next year, but what I wanted to share here was a quick thank you for any kind words you've shared with me and to remind you that they did impact me.